Listen here, you old sod, do yourself a favour and quit the telly-binging, because it’s high time you put on those moth-eaten party pants and hobnob with the riff-raff at that shindig you’ve been invited to. This might just be the golden ticket you’ve been praying for to schmooze some new chums. And don’t you dare moan about the drain of socialising, because while you’re busy faffing about with your bog-standard routine, you might just bump into someone who’ll shake your life up more than a cheap washing machine on a spin cycle. And here’s a cheeky little tip for you, sunshine. Your lucky skill is the ability to down a pint faster than a rat up a drainpipe. It might not win you any beauty contests, but it could just be your ticket into the cool kids club. Now, don’t you go forgetting to thank me when you’re the life of the party.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!