You’re stuck in a time warp of old flames and knickers-in-a-twist nostalgia. A soft prod or a slap in the face by life’s handbag might just trigger a bloody emotional avalanche. Suddenly, you’re weeping like a soap opera star, heart bursting like an overcooked sausage with all the old romances. The decision is in your hands, you cheeky bugger, but consider this: what if the dish you’ve been eyeing up is secretly pining for you, like a drunken karaoke singer for his lost dignity? Lucky Phrase: “Keep your knickers on!” It’s your lucky phrase today, mate. Use it when the going gets tough or when the cheap wine starts flowing too freely. Who knows, it might just save you from a wardrobe malfunction.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!