Blimey, you’re in quite a pickle, aren’t you? You’ve got this gnarly situation hanging round your neck like a dead albatross, and you’ve been dithering about like a lost lamb, haven’t you? Look, either slap down an ultimatum on the table like a pint of Stella or sling your hook. It might take a pair of brass ones to make a change, but it’s the only way to get rid of this flaming mess. Once you’ve done the off, you’ll be left scratching your noggin, wondering why you didn’t do it sooner. And here’s a bit of luck for you: your lucky number is 7. Yes, mate, 7 – like the number of times you’ve probably hit the snooze button this morning. Get up, sort it out, and remember: you’re as lucky as a two-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!