Right, listen up. Right now, you’re all about making your gaff as snug as a bug in a rug. You’re so desperate to impress, you’re practically throwing doilies at anyone who walks past. You’re aiming for ‘Grand Designs’ but landing somewhere closer to ‘Changing Rooms’, circa 1995. If you’re planning on tarting up your place, don’t be a mug – hit up the government for some dosh. They’ve got more schemes than a dodgy used car salesman, and you might just find one that’ll line your pockets. Your lucky item of the day is a spatula – because let’s face it, you couldn’t flip a pancake without it. Now, go forth and let the world marvel at your newfound interior design ‘skills’. You’re about as subtle as a sledgehammer, darling.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!