Cor, blimey! If you’ve got a moment to twiddle your thumbs, don’t you dare waste it. Steer clear of any of that new-fangled nonsense. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to keep the ship steady and avoid hitting any icebergs. If some cheeky chancer tries to rope you into their latest hair-brained scheme, tell ’em to do one. Sort out your own cobblers first, then put your feet up, you’ve earned it. Your lucky phrase for the day: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but remember, it’s not polite to flip the bird in public, no matter how much they’re asking for it.”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!