Today, mate, it’s all about the dosh. Feels like you’ve had your head stuck in the piggy bank lately, doesn’t it? Every tick and tock is a pound sign flashing before your eyes. It’s like you’re living in a flippin’ Monopoly game, except you’re not passing Go and no one’s handing you 200 quid. But cheeky chappie, remember that brilliant idea you had whilst downing your fourth pint? Yes, that one. Flog it like a dead horse and you might just dig yourself out of this financial foxhole. It’s either that or eating baked beans straight from the tin for the foreseeable future. Now, for your lucky charm: I’d recommend a rabbit’s foot. But considering your luck, it’d probably hop off before you got the chance to nab it. Still, worth a shot, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!