Cor blimey, it’s about bloody time you’ve finally clocked on that you can’t handle this circus all on your todd! You’ve now decided to let the lovable bunch of misfits you call mates and family chip in with your cock-ups. What a sodding novelty! Don’t get too big for your boots though. Be candid about your skills or lack thereof. It’s about as fun as a colonoscopy, but you’ve got to handle your chinwags and dealings with a bit of bloody integrity for once, mate. And here’s a bit of luck for you: your lucky charm is a brass monkey. Don’t ask why, just go with it. It might even help you not to freeze your bollocks off in the impending disaster you’re likely to create.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!