Well, aren’t you a right bag of nerves today, trembling like a chihuahua in a wind tunnel, eyes wider than a politician caught in a scandal! You’re as wound up as a tightly coiled spring, a bit like your hair on a bad hair day. You’re fretting about what the day might chuck at you, and you’re not even out of your jammies yet! So, pull up your big girl knickers and get ready for the kerfuffle that might be just around the corner. You’re as knackered as a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest even before the cock crows, how about you take a bloody breather, eh? Maybe even eat something that didn�t come from a packet. Yes, darling, a fruit or veggie won’t kill you, it might even give you a bit of a boost. Try a smoothie, but not the kind that has more sugar than a tuck shop, a proper one, with actual nutrients. You know, the kind that tastes like blended grass but supposedly does wonders for your energy levels. Now, for your lucky charm: it’s a bloody kale smoothie. I know, I know, it’s about as appealing as a bikini wax but trust me, it�ll give you that boost you need. Funny how the things that are good for us often taste like compost, isn’t it? Remember, it’s only as lucky as you make it. If it doesn’t do the trick, at least it’ll give you a good excuse to visit the loo.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!