You know, darling, good things often come to those who hang around like a bad smell, just like that tea at the back of the cupboard you forgot about. Having the patience of a saint right now is as precious as a diamond tiara – and let’s face it, we could all do with some extra sparkle. Keep your knickers on! When you kick off something new, the result is about as immediate as a royal baby announcement. So sit tight, and try not to pick up any habits that will put the Queen off her scones. And here’s a little nugget of wisdom for you: “Good luck is like a fart, it often arrives when you least expect it. But unlike a fart, it doesn’t clear the room.” So, put on something green today – it’s the colour of luck and flatulence. Just don’t mix up the two, or you’ll be the butt of the joke!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!