Oi, mate, you better mind your gob when you’re prattling on with the bloke next door, he�s as touchy as a politician in a brothel. There�s a list as long as your arm of topics that’d poke his bear, and if you�ve got half a brain, you�ll know what they are. So unless you fancy a punch up over the garden fence, keep those subjects as far away as the Queen’s corgis from a bulldog with bad breath. Your lucky phrase this week is ‘Bob’s your uncle’, but be careful when you use it. Wouldn’t want old Bob to get the wrong idea and start thinking he’s got some royal blood now, would we?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!