Oi, listen up, you’re about to have one of those fossils from the office back your mad schemes. You’ve got some harebrained idea about setting up a business from your grotty little flat or starting a new work project that’s bound to go tits up. But hey, what do I know? Now, don’t you dare skive off your workouts. I know you’d rather be downing pints at the pub, but a bit of a sweat sesh and some of that airy-fairy mindfulness malarkey might just stop you from becoming a complete basket case. And for God’s sake, stop stuffing your face with kebabs and energy drinks! Ram some veggies down your throat and drink actual water for once. I know, shocking advice, right? Lucky Phrase: “Every cloud has a silver lining.” But in your case, it’s probably more of a cheap aluminium foil.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!