Well, pet, if you’re peddling your wares from the comfort of your own gaff, you’re in for a right old song and dance. The racket and hullabaloo are enough to put anyone off their stroke. So, it’s best to get cracking at the crack of dawn, before the neighbour’s cat has even had its morning dump. Put your back into it, darling, ’cause there’s a bunch of nosy parkers lurking in the shadows, keeping tabs on your every move. They’re like a bunch of bored pensioners at a bingo hall, marking off your every blunder. Your lucky charm, darling, is an old tea bag. Yes, you heard me right, an old tea bag. It won’t do much for your cuppa, but it’s said to bring a spot of luck. Just don’t mistake it for a fresh one, or you’ll be sipping on a brew as weak as a kitten’s piss.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!