Right, listen up you bunch of mugs. Sod the whole lot of ’em and do what tickles your fancy. Doesn’t matter if you’re splashing out on some pongy aftershave or stuffing your gob with posh nosh from the takeaway, the point is to give in to the sheer rapture of, well, anything that tickles your senses. Your lucky charm? A pair of knickers. Why? Because nothing says ‘luck’ like fitting into your skinny knickers after a binge on curry and chips.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!