Oh, darling, you’re having a tougher time ignoring sweet treats than a Kardashian ignoring a camera! Do us all a favour, chuck that chocolate biscuit and wrap your gob around an apple instead. It’s healthy, it’s crunchy, and it won’t leave you looking like you’ve been hoarding doughnuts in your trousers. Remember, a bit of the old heave-ho every day is as essential as a good bra – it lifts you up and keeps everything from heading south. Plus, it gives you a glow that’s not just from sweat but from smug satisfaction as well. Now, about your attitude – it’s about as positive as a public toilet seat. Chin up, love! Your mental health is like your underwear, nobody sees it but you know it’s there. So, make sure it’s as clean and fresh as a pair of Marks & Spencer knickers. On a separate note, your lucky charm is a pair of sparkly socks. Why? Because nothing screams ‘I’m fabulous and I know it’ like twinkling toes. Plus, they’re a wonderful distraction from your face.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!