Blimey, you’re a chirpy chappy, ain’t ya? Your relentless cheeriness might just give you the oomph to pull off just about any daft idea you’ve got rattling around in that noggin of yours. If you’ve got some grand scheme for the future, why not take your workmates hostage at the pub and talk their ears off until they’re too sozzled to say no to your latest crackpot enterprise? Lucky phrase: “Every cloud has a silver lining.” But remember, it’s Britain – so the cloud is likely pissing rain, and the lining is probably made of cheap tinfoil.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!