Oi, mate! Get your backside in gear and sort out that career kerfuffle, pronto! There’s an opportunity knocking so loud it’ll wake the dead. Sounds to me like it’s got more curves than a Kardashian. If you’re dilly-dallying about it, you’ll look dumber than a bag of hammers. There’s a workmate of yours humming and hawing like a constipated cow, but don’t let their knickers in a twist stop your stride. Here’s a lucky phrase for you, you old codger: “Fortune favours the bold.” So, put on your big boy breeches, grab life by the disco balls and tell your workmate to quit their bellyaching. And remember, the only thing waiting for you if you don’t act now is a swift kick in the trousers! Now, ain’t that a hoot?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!