Oi, you! Listen up! You’re the sort who’d sooner eat your own foot than dodge a bit of hard graft, aren’t ya? But even you, you maniac, must understand the occasional need to put your feet up and have a giggle. Today, it feels like you’re surrounded by a bunch of funeral directors on a day out. And your flatmate? Lost their sense of humour? More like they’ve misplaced it in the same place they left their personality, the miserable git. Lucky charm: A rubber chicken. Why? Because nothing says ‘cheer the hell up’ quite like a squeaky fowl.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!