Strap on your big boy pants and get your arse in gear, love. It’s time to tackle that pile of unfinished tripe that’s been festering in the corner of your office, pretending to be important. And, no, it won’t magically disappear if you keep ignoring it. That’s your mother-in-law you’re thinking of. Now, on to matters of the heart. You’re in cahoots with someone who makes time whizz by like a fart in a fan factory. Isn’t it grand how you two can spend hours together and it feels like mere seconds? Probably because you’re both as interesting as a pair of beige socks. But hey, to each their own. Lucky phrase for the day: “Better an empty wallet than a full nappy.” When life gets you down, just remember this little gem and you’ll realise that being skint ain’t so bad. At least you’re not knee-deep in baby turd. So, chin up, sunshine! Your day is about to get as exciting as a soggy biscuit at a tea party.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!