Listen up, buttercup! Chuck on your rose-tinted specs and keep grinning like a Cheshire cat on steroids. When life throws you a custard pie, take it on the chin, then sling it back with interest. Tell everyone, “Don’t worry, darlings, it’s only the apocalypse, it’ll get better!” Let the world marvel at your ability to pull a rabbit out of a hat, even if it looks more like a hairless mole. And you, dear, you’re as reliable as a chocolate teapot on a summer’s day, so don’t you forget it. Later, when you’re not busy being Mother Teresa, you might want to consider ways to stuff your piggy bank. You know, find that elusive money tree or start charging for your autograph. And here’s a little bauble of wisdom for you – your lucky charm for the day is a soggy biscuit. Now, don’t you dare ask why. Just remember, it’s only lucky until you eat it. Then it’s just a regret and a strange aftertaste.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!