Blimey, it’s all kicking off at your gaff, ain’t it? The office has turned into a right dog’s breakfast, with tempers flaring like a dodgy curry night. Your mates are all a bit miffed, moaning more than a hen party without a stripper. And you? You’re stuck in the middle, patience wearing thin like the gusset of your grandma’s knickers. Now listen up, you’ve got to keep your chin up and your gob shut, alright? Even if you’re more wound up than a jack-in-the-box, you’ve got to play nice. So put on your sweetest smile – the one that doesn’t scare small children – and try not to bite anyone’s head off. Lucky charm: That rabbit’s foot you’ve been carrying around? Yeah, it’s not so lucky for the rabbit, was it? Might be time to consider a four-leaf clover instead. Makes a tastier salad, too.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!