Right, listen up, you lot! Before the bloomin’ pubs open, you need to focus like a squirrel on a nut, concentrating on your work, your pennies, and whatever personal fantasies you’re currently indulging in. Come afternoon, prepare for more distractions than a streaker at a cricket match. That bit of graft you thought you’d finish before Eastenders? Forget it, mate, you’re about as likely to complete it as a sloth on sedatives. You’ll have to drag your sorry arse back to it tomorrow. Lucky bit for you now – your lucky colour is ‘pub ceiling beige’. Why? Because it’s the only colour you’ll be seeing when you’re flat on your back after a night of drowning your sorrows. Cheers to that!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!