Right, listen up, mate! You’re the sort of geezer who’s always there for your mates, handing out kindness and loyalty like they’re going out of fashion. Everyone around these parts is bleedin’ chuffed with that, innit? They’re all reassured knowing that you’re just a quick bell away for a bit of advice or a shoulder to cry on, without you taking the mickey out of their woes. Now, brace yourself, ’cause today, one or two of your pals are going to rock up with their dramas hoping you can sort it out. Just remember, you’re not bloody Dear Deidre, okay? Oh, by the way, your lucky phrase today is “Bob’s your uncle.” Use it when something goes smoothly, like when you’ve managed to dodge a pint with that boring bloke from down the pub. And don’t worry, it’s not actually your uncle Bob, I know he’s a right pain in the arse.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!