Blimey, it’s all about the lurve today, innit? If you fancy keeping your other half from trading you in for a younger model, you’d best put some elbow grease into it, mate! Your wedded bliss needs more than the telly and a cuppa. It’s about sharing those “Oh God, I can’t believe we did that!” moments. You’re still on the shelf, are ya? Well, pop on a pair of knickers and get out there! Take a bloody spontaneous trip, you might just bump into someone who doesn’t think you’re a complete tosser. And here’s your cheeky charmer for the day: Your lucky phrase is “Bollocks to it”. Not only does it perfectly capture your current life philosophy, but it’s also a grand way to get out of washing the dishes. Just remember, this won’t work if you’re the one who’s made the mess in the first place, you lazy git!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!