“Alright, sunshine, keep your peepers wide open for any chance to make your home, work, and health less of a shambles. Take a gander at your grub and fitness regime, if you can call it that. Make sure it’s not just a pie in the sky dream, but something that actually fits in with your daily routine of telly and tea. You’ve got the noggin to kick any bad habits to the curb, so no more midnight munchies or pints at the pub every night. And try to aim for something you can actually achieve, maybe start with putting your pants on the right way round, yeah? Your lucky charm is a simple pint glass, but remember, it’s for water not ale, mate. It might look a bit daft, but it could be the difference between you feeling fresh as a daisy or like a bulldog chewing a wasp in the morning!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!