Blimey, it seems your little pipe dream is edging closer, isn’t it? Like a pensioner on a mobility scooter – slow but bloody determined. Amidst all your gallivanting, don’t forget about your beloveds, you insensitive clot. They may not be as exciting as your stamp collection or your secret squirrel activities, but they’re still your flesh and blood. So, chinwag with them, will ya? Keep them clued up about your shenanigans, unless you’ve joined the MI6, then, well, you’re off the hook. Lucky charm: A horseshoe. Hang it above your door, mate. Not only will it bring you luck, but it’ll also serve as a poignant reminder that even a horse’s backside can be lucky at times.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!