Listen up, darling, you’ve become the bloody peacekeeper in a war zone, thanks to that irksome partner of yours who’s as stubborn as a mule stuck in a glue factory. It’s a right old challenge to slap on a fake grin when you’re absolutely brassed off with them. Stress is prancing about like a tutu-wearing elephant in your heart, so later, treat yourself to a bit of hush – it’s cheaper than therapy and less messy than homicide. Now, your lucky item is a pair of earplugs. Great for drowning out the naff noise or when your partner starts talking. Consider it your mantra: “Silence is golden, duct tape is silver!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!