Cor blimey, mate! You’re about to go through more ups and downs than a kangaroo on a trampoline. You’ll be battling through so much turmoil, you’ll feel like you’ve been caught in a windstorm whilst wearing a tutu. But don’t worry love, you’ll survive, as long as everyone gets their heads out of their butts and helps each other out. You’ll be part of a team whose main goal is to give a leg up to those who are more down than a dachshund in a ditch. It’s like a support group for the emotionally incontinent. Be chuffed to bits, darling, because you’re involved in something as positive as a labrador on Prozac. Now, here’s your lucky charm: a four-leaf clover. It’s got more luck in it than a Kardashian at a plastic surgeon. So grab it tight, and remember, it’s only as lucky as the idiot holding it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!