Cor blimey, you’ve been swinging your hammer at work, ain’t ya? You’re knocking it out the park, you are! You’re like a bulldog chewing a wasp, all over it, showing off your expertise like a peacock in a henhouse. But, hold your horses, your family life’s going down the drain faster than a pint at a free bar. Your nearest and dearest are feeling as neglected as a ginger stepchild, they’re like a forgotten packet of crisps at the bottom of the bag. You’re about as popular at home as a wet fart in a spacesuit, mate. Those quick fixes you’ve been trying? Worthless, mate. They’re about as effective as a chocolate teapot or a fart in a thunderstorm. Lucky charm: A four-leaf clover. But remember, it’s about as useful as a chocolate fireguard if you don’t sort your family affairs out, you muppet!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!