Extract yourself from any situations that smell more fishy than a trawlerman’s underpants. Don’t flog yourself silly trying to impress that crusty old fart at work who’d sooner crack a smile at a tax audit than at anything you do. If you’re wrestling with a task like a one-legged man at an arse-kicking contest, take a tea break, have a biscuit and come back to it when your head’s less scrambled than a plate of eggs. Your lucky charm today is a used teabag. It’s about as useful as a chocolate fireguard, but on the bright side, it’s perfect for chucking at any annoying colleagues.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!