“Blimey, you’ve been in a pickle, haven’t you? A situation’s had you all knotted up tighter than a nun’s knickers. But don’t fret, love. You’ll be as chuffed as a squirrel in a nut factory when this sticky wicket gets put to bed with less hoo-ha than a vicar’s tea party. And get this – there’s a new deal on the cards, smoother than a weasel in a velvet suit. So, next time, remember this little kerfuffle and try not to get your knickers in a twist. You can do it, even if it’s harder than finding a sober Scotsman on Hogmanay.” Separately, here’s a bit of luck for you: “Your lucky colour this week is beige – as exciting as watching paint dry, but hey, at least you’ll blend in with the wallpaper!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!