“Brace yourselves, lovebirds! Your day is about to be as well-balanced as a tipsy tightrope walker, with a sprinkling of humour that’s as random as a porcupine in a balloon factory. You’re so in tune with the emotional states of your mates, it’s like you’re psychic… or just plain nosey! And you’re so ready to lend a hand, you’re practically giving out free manicures. Just remember, darling, with your heart as big as your ego, it’s no wonder people are drawn to you like flies to a honey pot.” Lucky charm: “Your lucky charm this week, my dear, is a four-leaf clover. Just remember, it’s only considered lucky if you didn’t pluck it from your neighbour’s garden. That’s not luck, love, that’s just plain old theft!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!