Well, well, well, look at you, strutting around like a peacock in heat, all puffed up with confidence. Finally, you’re seeing some results from all those half-arsed attempts you’ve been making – it’s a bloody miracle! Life’s turning into a thrilling rollercoaster ride for you, isn’t it? Just don’t forget to strap in and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times, darling. You’ve got more on your plate than a fat lad at a buffet, and decisions to make that would confound a UN peace envoy. So, for your sake, I hope everything turns out as perfectly as your mum’s Sunday roast – and not like her rubbery Yorkshire puddings. And here’s a bit of advice, love – your lucky colour this week is green. So, whether you’re looking to blend in with the shrubbery or you’re just feeling a bit gassy, wear it with pride. Who knows, you might just turn a few heads… or stomachs.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!