It’s all kicking off today, ain’t it? But keep your knickers on, because any cockamamie ideas that pop into your noggin need to be scribbled down. You’ll thank your lucky stars later when you’re sat on your arse in a quiet moment, having a giggle at your own genius. You’re as chuffed as a dog with two tails, feeling cocky enough to give yourself a bloody good sell. Fancy that! Lucky charm for the day: A four-leaf clover. I mean, it’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but it might just keep your spirits up, you cheeky sod.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!