Listen, darling, it seems like you’ve become the bloody town bicycle – everyone’s had a ride! Your time’s tighter than a nun’s knickers, with everyone and their dog wanting a piece of you. If this keeps up, you’ll be spread thinner than a supermodel’s waistline. So, grab your metaphorical balls and tell ’em to jog on! You’re not the flamin’ Red Cross, after all. As for your lucky charm, try hanging an old sock on your door. It’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but it’ll give ’em a good laugh. Besides, who knows? It might just scare away half of these leeches.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!