Well, you nosy bugger, your sticky-beak tendencies mixed with your fingers in every blooming pie, makes you about as subtle as a fart in a lift to those around you. Go on, let loose with your brain farts. Not everyone’s going to fancy a whiff, but I guarantee you’ll kick off a right royal chinwag. Add-on: Your lucky phrase? “I’m not as think as you drunk I am”. Go ahead, use it as your excuse next time you’re caught with your hand in the biscuit tin at 3 am – just remember, slurring it convincingly is all part of the charm!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!