Dodge those anxiety-inducing gits like they’ve got the plague! Don’t you dare get your knickers in a twist over situations that make Stephen Hawking’s theories look like a toddler’s tea party. Instead, commandeer a peaceful nook at your workplace or gaff, where you can play king or queen of the castle. Later, give yourself a right royal treat! Maybe a fancy kebab, a bottle of plonk, or a pair of those ridiculously expensive socks you’ve been eyeing up. You know, the ones that cost more than a week’s worth of fish and chips!” And here’s a lucky phrase for ya, “Every cloud has a silver lining.” But let’s be honest, in Britain, it’s more like, “Every cloud has a grey lining, but at least it ain’t raining meatballs!”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!