Today, darling, is shaping up to be a right corker for all sorts, and you’re part of that gaggle, aren’t you? Out of the blue, cockamamie happenings are going to leave you brimming with more hope than a politician in a brothel. They’ll puff up your ego and have you feeling as chuffed as a penguin in a tuxedo about your existence and your questionable choice of mates. You’ve got that tingle in your knickers that something top notch is coming your way, and blimey, you’re spot on, because it bloody well is. Lucky feature of the day: A horseshoe. Not that you’ll be needing it to kick anyone today, but hey, you never know when a good hoof to the bum might come in handy.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!