Your crumpets are gonna be well and truly buttered, mate, when some cheeky bugger throws you a wobbly with a new angle on that nagging worry that’s been buzzing ’round your bonce like a bluebottle on a bacon butty. You’ll have a proper ‘Eureka!’ moment and realise it’s as tangled as a bag of spaghetti. So pull up your knickers, puff out your chest and use it as an opportunity to broaden your noggin and your ticker! Lucky mantra for you, sunshine: “When faced with a pickle, remember you’re not a gherkin!” Now, I know what you’re thinking… “Eh?” But stick with it – it’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but it’ll give you a good giggle!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!