Brace yourself, love, for a right cockney barrel of laughs and shocks. Up until the time the old cock crows noon, everything will be tickety-boo. But, hold onto your knickers, ‘cos after that you’re bound to get all weepy and emotional, like you’ve just seen the Queen Mum in her undies. You’ll be as eager as a rabbit in spring to promise the moon on a stick, but really, you’re as likely to deliver as a one-legged postman on an icy day. So, before you start making big promises, think about whether you can actually fulfil them, or else you’ll end up looking like a right numpty. Lucky charm for you: The humble pigeon. Not as glorious as the peacock, but at least it knows its limits. And remember, it’s better to be a realistic pigeon than a boastful peacock. Now, isn’t that a hoot?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!