Well, ain’t this a right pickle! That once loving union of yours is going down the pan faster than a cheap curry on a Saturday night. If this is causing you to lose sleep, or worse, your gin and tonic, it’s time to have a good ol’ chinwag about what’s really causing this Titanic-esque disaster. No more sweeping things under the rug like a dodgy toupee, it’s time to put on those big boy pants and lay it on the line. No more fibbing, no more half-truths, just you, them, and the cold, hard, potentially embarrassing truth. Now, wouldn’t that be a right laugh? Lucky charm: A four-leaf clover. It might not mend your relationship, but it’ll give you something to do while they’re packing their bags. Just don’t try to use it as a last-ditch effort to save the sinking ship, you’ll look more desperate than a cat in a dog kennel.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!