Blimey, your kinfolk and chums are all giddy for the jollies popping off around your ends. You’re a bit miffed because your own shindigs are about as exciting as watching paint dry on a rainy Tuesday. If you can jiggle your timetable about a bit, crack on. If not, try not to be a sourpuss and rain on everyone’s parade, you old misery guts. Now, here’s your bit of good juju. Your lucky phrase is “Bob’s your uncle,” which is as much use as a chocolate teapot if your uncle’s name is Steve, but hey, it’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!