Cor, blimey! Your noggin’s swarming with more neggy thoughts than a pigeon’s got fleas. You’re like the party guest no one wanted to turn up – all doom and gloom. And what’s it getting you? Nowt but kipless nights and a dodgy ticker. There’s more to life than biting your nails over tomorrow’s weather forecast, love. You’ve got more potential for joy than a randy rabbit in springtime, but you’re squandering it like a banker on a bender. So pack it in and perk up, you miserable git! Lucky charm: A four leaf clover. But let’s be honest, with your luck, you’d probably find one with three leaves and a parking ticket.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!