Blimey, mate, you’re about to have a face-off that’ll turn your tea cold. It’ll leave you pondering about some tosser or some right pickle you’ve landed yourself in. The reality of it all might just curdle your milk. You’ll suddenly realise you’re not exactly Mother Teresa, are you? You’ve been pulling the wool over your own eyes, you daft twit. Lucky phrase: “Every cloud has a silver lining.” Though, in your case, it might just be a silver-plated one.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!