Well, blow me down with a feather, you were all set for a jolly weekend getaway, weren’t you? But alas, the universe throws a spanner in the works, and your plans have been thrown out the window, just like your ex’s cheating arse. And just like your ex, the reason for your plans going tits up is as clear as mud. So don’t sit there moping like a wet weekend in Wigan. It’s not the end of the world, love. Get your chin up, put on your big girl knickers, and rally the troops. They’ll be more supportive than a Marks & Spencer’s bra when you need them most. Who knows? You might even have a giggle while you’re at it. And here’s your little nugget of good fortune: Your lucky number is two, so why not try betting on a horse or two at the races? Just remember, if you end up with a face like a slapped arse, it’s only because Lady Luck has a wicked sense of humour.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!