Blimey, you’ve been squirrelling away these naughty plans of yours like a randy squirrel with a secret stash of nuts, haven’t you? But, lord save us, life keeps chucking spanners in your works like it’s got a blooming vendetta against your toolbox. It’s not just your gaff and the salt mine you call work, but all those pesky IOUs, promises, and “yes, I’ll help you move house, Brenda” commitments that’ve got you in a pickle. And let’s not even start about your so-called mates. They’re sticking in your way like a drunken lout in a kebab queue. Time for a reality check, sunshine. Some of these ‘buddies’ of yours are about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. The sooner you realise they’re dragging you down faster than a lead balloon, the better off you’ll be. Your lucky charm for this week? A rubber duck. Why a rubber duck? Well, it floats, doesn’t it? And right now, you could use something that stays above water. If nothing else, it’ll remind you to keep your chin up, even if your mates are more sinkable than the Titanic.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!