Well, Cor Blimey! Your neighbour’s suddenly as helpful as a Swiss Army knife at a picnic. Don’t get too comfy, sunshine. This ain’t no charity fun run, there’s likely a motive as clear as a window cleaner’s ladder behind those beaming smiles. The moment they want something, you’ll sniff it out faster than a Labrador on a bacon sandwich. Later, you’ll find yourself at a chinwag with your mates, each dissecting the same event like a gaggle of gossipy surgeons. It’ll be like the blind leading the blind, but with more beer and less guide dogs. Lucky item for you today? A rubber duck. Yeah, you heard me right, a rubber duck. Why? Because life’s a bath full of bubbles, and you might as well have something to giggle at while you’re drowning in it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!