Cor blimey, ain’t it a right laugh, you getting all keen as mustard ’bout sorting your dosh for a bit of a cushy future? It’s like watching a squirrel bury its nuts for the winter, innit? Been waiting for some muppet to pay you back, have you? All on tenterhooks, worried if they’re gonna do a runner with your hard-earned quid? Well, some folks are as good as their word, so prepare for a surprise. Might not have the same shock value as the Queen doing a striptease, but it’s something. Lucky bit for you: Grab yourself a shiny penny, it’s your lucky item! Not worth much, but then again, neither is your opinion on most things. Chuck it in a wishing well or something. Who knows, you might just get lucky. Remember, even a stopped clock is right twice a day!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!