Blimey, your emotions are bobbing about like a drunken sailor on a dodgy fairground ride. You’re pushing for a bit of a do-over in a cosy relationship, sending everyone around you into a right tizzy. It’s like they’ve never seen you this emotional before – and frankly, they’d like their money back. Remember, sweetheart, you can’t force yourself to be someone else, no matter how much you might fancy being the Queen. Separate sentence: Your lucky charm this week is a cucumber – quite a versatile little thing, ain’t it? Good for salads, great for gin and tonic, and if thrown accurately, might make a decent weapon too!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!