You’re in a bloody pickle at the grindstone, ain’t ya? Job’s dragging you through the muck like a lame horse in a tug o’ war. You’re wound up tighter than a bulldog in a tutu, and it’s doing your nut in. Might be time to consider giving the old meat suit a bit of a spruce up. Ever tried those bendy, stretchy things like yoga or T’ai Chi? You know, where you twist yourself into a human pretzel and hold your breath until you see your ancestors. Great for sorting out your noggin, feelings and body. Might even make your bum look less like two bald men arguing in a sack. Go on, give it a whirl. You could do with a good chuckle. And for your lucky bit, try wearing a bit of green next Tuesday. Not because it’s lucky or anything, but you’ve been looking a bit pale lately, like a vampire’s backside. A bit of colour might stop people from thinking you’re auditioning for The Walking Dead.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!