‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello, finally popping your head out from under that rock, are we? Today’s a corker of a day to wave the white flag and make peace with the old foes. Been nursing a grudge with the neighbour for nicking your bin? Well, that tight-lipped bugger’s finally ready for a chinwag. Don’t be a ninny, do something harebrained today. It’ll lead to a few heart-thumping jollies and you’ll be as contagious as the common cold, spreading your gung-ho spirit to the sorry sods around you. Who knows, you might just inspire them to do something more exciting than watching paint dry for a change. Here’s a knob of wisdom for you – your lucky item today is a pair of knickers. Why? Well, it’s always lucky when they’re clean, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!